My friend, AG, who I mentioned a few weeks ago was pregnant had a miscarriage. We were pretty sure she was about two weeks ago, but she found out for sure this week that she did. I really hate this for her and her husband. While they got pregnant the first month they even "tried" which I am pretty sure consisted of let's have sex, I still hurt for them. Fortunately she did not need any medications or D&C and has been cleared to try again whenever they would like.
Another family friend and his wife experienced a miscarriage about a week ago as well. She was about 9 weeks along with their first and had to have a D&C. My mom is close to his mom and is just do devastated as this would have been their first grandchild. I have emailed with him a little bit and they seem to be doing well.
Both couples are amazingly strong Christians and have spoken about how they know God has a plan even bigger than ours. I hate that two more couples have had to join the trenches and know the pain of losing a child, but I am so thankful for their faith. God is truly using all of us through these experiences. We may not know how or why, but that is why we must have faith. As Hebrews 11:1 reminds us "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." With time we will begin to understand God's plan for our lives, but until we must have faith that His plan is greater than ours.
One thing I have learned through their loss is that people are afraid to talk to DeWayne and I about their losses, when they have early miscarriages. They feel their loss is so insignificant compared to ours. Initially I thought, "yes it is you are right", but I have realized that it is not really all that different. We have all lost children who we had prayed for and were already in love with. We have all lost the dream of becoming parents in the near future. In many ways I feel like it would be harder to lose a child during an early miscarriage, because it is harder to find a purpose in the loss. I spoke with a friend, who has experienced the loss from an early miscarriage and the loss at 25 weeks. He said in so many ways the early miscarriage was harder for him and his wife to understand, but they have realized that both losses had amazing purposes. He said had it not been for their losses their marriage would not be as strong as it is today. They would not be the same parents they are today to their 1 year old little boy. He is an assistant professor and says that before the losses he worked way too much, but now he realizes that spending time with his wife and son is the most important thing in the world. His wife is actually the one I have blogged about before (regarding the loss of their little girl), and they are an amazing example of a great Christian couple for AG and I (she works with him as well).
I am so thankful for all the individuals we have been able to talk with and share with during this experience. I wish we did not have so many friends who were going through losses, but I am thankful for the opportunity to talk and pray with them. For me I have to believe this is part of God's purpose in Jackson's life and part of His plan for my life.
I think an early miscarraige and a late term pregnancy loss are completely different, and yet very similar at the exact time. There's no point in playing the "who hurts more" game... they both suck! In both circumstances, you lost your child. In your situation, you had a long time to love, and worry, and plan, and pray over your child... that's a long time to grow very attached. But with that time also comes answers, you don't know why Jackson had CDH, what went wrong in the early formation, but you ultimately know why his time was cut short. Early miscarriages are gone in the blink of an eye, so the attachment is brief, but you have the rest of your life to wonder why and what went wrong. Like I said, very different, and yet very, very similar.
ReplyDeleteSo sad that your friends had to join the trenches, but I'm glad you have some local people to talk to and mourn your losses together! Wishing you the very best!
I agree Amanda completely! It has been hard to hear people not wanting to talk to us about their expereinces because they feel they don't compare with what we have gone through. I really want people to open up about their losses whether at 5 weeks or 40 weeks with us if they are comfortable.
ReplyDeletePraying for you girl as you make a decision about what clinic to use!