The past few weeks have been filled with nerves. Nerves about IVF. Nerves about school. Nerves about life after school. Nerves about life. I am going to try and summarize what I am feeling and help myself understand that being nervous in general is just fine.
1. Shots: I have always hated shots. I even ask my mom about them the other day and she said she has always had to bribe me to get shots. It's not the pain that scares me its the whole idea of a needle going into me! Don't ask I am just weird like that.
2. What if this doesn't work? I know we bought the 2 plus cycle for this exact reason, but still what if it doesn't work the first time or anytime? Will I be strong enough to handle it and move forward towards adoption or will I fall apart?
3. What if this does work!!! I know it seems weird to be asking this when we clearly want to get pregnant but it still makes me nervous. All of the questions about would I be a good mom? Are we really ready for this? What about my school, will I still finish on time?
4. Weight gain: This is nothing I have really talked about, but gaining weight scares the crap out of me! I ran through high school and college and when I finished I gained weight and it really did a number on my mind. I have already gained 7 pounds per doctors orders while we were trying naturally. Since going on BC I have gained another 2 pounds. Up 9 pounds and I have not even started stim!!! AHHHHH. I am running out of work clothes that fit already.
1. DP's job: DP is a physical therapist and love what he does but lately he has not loved where he works. He is actually miserable, which is not his personality at all. He has an interview tonight at another clinic in town. I really pray it goes well, because the idea of him hating his job and trying to find another one in the middle of IVF really makes me nervous!
2. Classes started back: Classes started back last Monday. This is finally my last semester of taking classes. After 8 years of taking classes at the University level I am finally almost done with that part! Granted I still have to write a dissertation but I am not in the classroom daily taking notes!
3. Teaching started back: I am teaching again this semester and someway have ended up with more students than ever! I have almost 400 this semester!!!! Ahhhhhh what am I going to do with 400 students emailing me daily asking questions I have already answered a million times!
4. Qualifying exams: Part of our PhD program is qualifying exams. Basically you are expected to remember everything you have learned since you started and do so without any notes! I have to take these this semester and to say I am freaking out a little would be an understatement!
So a combination of these 8 wonderful things have lead to my nerves being all over the place. I really need to find a way to relax some before tomorrow night when I start lurpon! I'll go to the gym. That's right I am not suppose to exercise much starting tomorrow!!!! Oh boy....