The two week wait is always the worst.
We want to test early and we evaluate every single symptom wondering if maybe just maybe this one means we are pregnant.
This two week wait is a little different. There will be no symptoms to wonder about. There will be no desire to test early. There will only be waiting and wondering. This two week wait will consist of us waiting for the hubby's test results. The results that will let us know where we might be headed in this long journey. If the results are good (which I would be surprised if they are) we can go back to the original plan of IUI. If they are the same or worse we will move forward towards IVF. I keep telling myself and everyone else I am good with either result. That I am good moving on to IVF, which I am good doing.
However I am not good with either result. I am angry that we are here. I am angry that this problem keeps getting worse. I am angry that other people basically just look at each other and get pregnant. I am just angry.... The thing is I am not an angry person normally. I have never been one to yell, punch things or do any of the normal angry person things. However, lately all I have wanted to do is yell, punch the wall, and just cry. I don't understand why God is allowing this to happen to us. As hard as it is say I do believe that God is allowing this to happen to us. I believe He could "fix" this in a snap of His fingers if He wanted. I know deep down there is reason for this and I have searched for it and know without any doubt there is purpose to this and God has a plan for us, but the question remains: Why????
Over the next two weeks we have plenty to keep us busy, a good friend gets married this weekend with an open bar (yay I guess) and then the following weekend is Florida vs. Georgia in Jacksonville which is one of our favorite times of the year because a lot of our college friends come. Oh and both of birthdays are in these two weeks as well (I will blog about my birthday later). Yes there are plenty of activities to keep me busy and plenty of opportunities to drink which could be fun. But I would give it all up to be pregnant.
So for the next two weeks I will smile for all the pictures and secretly wonder Why God haven't you fixed this problem yet?????